Dec. 6, 2001
2001 Spaz Award

I don’t know if there’s any such thing, but if the 2001 Spaz Award exists, I would like to hereby nominate myself. Why, you ask? OK, here’s the story:

I went to do my laundry one night, and all seemed to go as planned. Well, except that I’d forgotten my laundry detergent and had to buy the cheap, powdered kind that they sell at the laundromat, but as spazzy things go, that’s not so bad. No, the spazzy part was when I had finished folding the clean laundry all nicely into the laundry basket and I took it out to the car and set it down and then went back into the laundromat to get my bookbag, glasses, soda, etc. and then got into the car and drove away. As I backed out of the parking space, I heard a strange noise but did not stop to investigate. And it was only after I’d been at the grocery store for an hour and had gone out to the car wondering whether I should put the groceries in the back with the laundry or just put them in the back seat and then opened the back and realized that there was no laundry that I realized: not only had I left my laundry in the parking lot of the laundromat, I had run it over! Luckily, the owner of the laundromat was still there when I went back, and, luckily, someone had seen the whole thing happen and had taken my laundry back inside, and, luckily, even with three loads of laundry in it, the basket was light enough so that I didn’t really run it over, just pushed it across the parking lot. There was just a big indentation in the middle of the basket and the clothes where my tire had been. So the whole thing certainly could have turned out to be much more of a disaster than it was, but I feel that I still qualify for the 2001 Spaz Award. If you think you know of someone who has a story in which he or she is even more of a spaz, bring it. Bring it on.

(Incidentally, Kenny doesn’t think I qualify for the 2001 Spaz Award because he feels that "spaz" as a word constitutes a physical condition, whereas I’m really more of a mental spaz. However, I haven’t met anyone who’s enough of a spaz either mentally or physically to present a serious challenge. I’m going for the title, man. Especially if I can get a sash and a tiara. Or even just a nice plaque.)

But that’s not the reason I’m writing this journal entry. Oh, no. I’m writing to tell you about my Christmas special! From now until December 31st, you can get your very own copy of Tales From the Fruitbat Vat for only $10 – and I’ll even waive the shipping fee! That's a savings of $4.50 right there, but it gets better, too; you can get TWO copies of Tales From the Fruitbat Vat for $18, you can get THREE copies of Tales From the Fruitbat Vat for only $26, and you can get FOUR copies for only $28! (That’s only $7 each, y’all, with free shipping thrown in!) This offer isn’t available online, only by sending a check or money order to:

You can also take advantage of this offer at one of my shows just by mentioning that you read it on my web site! I’ll be playing a couple of out of town gigs during December; you can always check the schedule to see if I’m playing in a town near you. And if you live in Atlanta and see people in Victorian costumes singing Christmas carols in the mall or in the airport or in your local watering hole, look closer; one of them might be me!

Merry Christmas, everybody!

What’s in my stereo at home: